This Is A Post About My Hair

Way back in May (I think it was May, maybe even earlier) I was at the mall and impulsively decided to get my hair highlighted.  I almost immediately disliked it.  So when it started to grow out (and my hair grows really fast!) I took this picture to ask my Internet friends what they thought I should do with it.

Ugh the color was so brassy back then!  And those eyebrows.  I'm sorry you have to see this.

Despite getting great advice about blending or some other such hair term I have since forgotten I never made it to the salon.  I dealt with my hair problem the way I was used to dealing with a lot of other less than desirable aspects of living: I put it up in a ponytail and forgot about it.

Then last week I decided I had put it off too long and the time was now.  I made an appointment at the salon with a new stylist.  The woman I used to see has moved on and even though I have her contact info I am too lazy to drive out to the suburbs to see her when I'm sure there's an equally capable person at the salon around the corner.  So I made an appointment for Friday, hours before a party I was invited to and the day before a family get together.

I show up to the salon early and the door is locked.  This naturally bugs me as I literally escaped from work at 4:45 to be able to make my 5:00 appointment.  An older man is sitting on the steps and tells me his wife is inside and he's waiting for her.  We chat pleasantly about real estate for about twenty minutes before someone else arrives and opens the door to the salon.  I go into the lobby and flip through magazines.

My stylist arrives finally and explains he was downstairs giving a massage.  Okay.  I tell him that I was looking through the magazines trying to get an inspiration for my hair color.  He tells me immediately that he sees me dark and would like to get me closer to my original color.  I hadn't even considered that as an option because whenever I color my hair I always get it done lighter. 

The more he talked, however, the more excited I got about getting back to a darker color.  After all, I have fond memories of having dark hair.

Circa 2006.  I think I took this picture right after it was cut.  It was a cute cut but hard to maintain.  And yes, I was SO skinny back then.  I definitely took it for granted.

Circa 2007.  Still doing the long layers but my hair is much longer here.

Circa 2008.  Roller derby glam shot!  My hair looks really dark in this one and I'm wearing my part differently for some reason.  Hmm I'm going to print this picture out next time because I like that part a lot better.  And yes, that is fake blood on my neck.  Also, yes, shiny pink lipstick makes me look less bad ass.

November 2009.  Long and brown whilst sipping Corona in Vegas.

July 2010.  And super long and curly for our wedding day.
So screw the highlights, I thought, I'm going back to dark hair.  It felt like a bold move too, as I've always been a little different from the rest of my family so why not let my hair reflect that?

They've got the blonde thing covered already.

So dark hair it is, I thought, slipping into the stylist's chair.  That is, until he tells me he "may" not have the color he needs.

Fast forward another ten minutes of waiting and he comes back and breaks the news that, no, he doesn't have the color.  Who the heck doesn't have brown?  Brown?  It's not like I asked for freaking hot pink!  "Can you just do my roots?" I ask.  No.  He thinks it's a waste of money.  "I have money!" I protest.  Then he tells me it would be bad for my hair if I highlighted my roots just to dye them back soon after that.

So I left with a haircut and a blow dry.  To be fair, people did tell me my hair looked great the next day.

To be continued.....

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

I have been lucky to meet and share my life with some amazing women throughout the years.  Over the last several years, however, I have been geographically isolated from most of them.  Of all the amazing women who attended my bachelor party (pictured right), only one of them lives in my area and she's about 30 minutes away (and has a host of things going on in her life that prevent us from getting together reguarly).

One of the goals I am working on is cultivating new friendships and, like most desirable things, it is not easy. I work with mostly women so you'd think it wouldn't be so hard to make a connection.  Yet most of my coworkers have kids or second jobs or live too far away. I admit I haven't tried really hard here but sometimes it's best not to be too social with people you have to see professional five days a week.

Determined to get out of this female friendship drought I joined several groups on Meetup.  So today I am going to my first event - the opening of a new artist space nearby.  I'm nervous for a few reasons: 

First, there's not too many people from the group attending the event.  It's a pretty small group to begin with.  This means that if I don't hit it off with anyone tonight I might be wary of attending group outings in the future even though it looks like they are scheduled to do some interesting things.  Moments like this I wish I lived in a huge city where there were hundreds of Meetup groups to choose from.  Our pool is quite limited. 

Second, I don't know what to wear.  I woke up late today (shocker) and threw on some ensemble that makes me look perfect for a theatrical stage crew.  Now I only have an hour to walk home from work, get changed, maybe do something with my hair (more on that later) and get back downtown to the show.

Third, and I know this is a bit ridiculous, but meeting new people makes me self conscious.  Some people will hear I'm a lawyer and assume I'm some sort of intellectual snob.  Or the other women will be so fabulously put together I will feel like a hot mess.  I can't even wear eyeliner!  I should have gotten a manicure last night.

And lastly, also stupid, but I feel like a bad wife.  My husband travels most weeks for work and is home this week.  I feel bad skipping out on time we could be spending together (and being so excited about it) to try and meet new people.  It's almost as saying he's not enough for me.  He really does want me to meet new people so he's totally fine with me going.  He may go see some friends too.  I know it's important to have friends in addition to your partner but sometimes it's hard to remember that when you get home from work and see them waiting for you.  I must resist the temptation of pajamas.

So here goes nothing.

I "Like" This Too

I uploaded this picture recently to Facebook.  Within a day or two I had a good number of "likes."  I gotta say that each one brightened my day.  It's been so long since I've gotten any sort of acknowledgement of a picture of myself.  That's probably due to the fact that I never upload any new pictures. In reality I've been recycling the same two professional engagement photos for the past two years.

My mother is always telling me to take a picture of my dress when I go to events.  I always wind up lying and say no one had a camera or I keep "forgetting" to send them to her.  My husband and I have this unspoken rule where we don't go out of our way to get pictures of ourselves.  Throughout our entire week long trip to Mexico there were maybe four pictures taken of me.  Looking at them makes me cringe.

But two weeks ago I was feeling pretty good about how I looked while we were out at a street festival.  I even had to stop at a vendor and buy a belt because my (Size 14) jeans are falling down.  I have been putting off buying new jeans hoping I could just bypass Size 12 and fit right back into my beloved Size 10s.  I saw Clifford the Red Dog and decided, what the hell, I want to remember how I look today and told my husband to snap this photo.

Yes, my jeans do look a little silly and I probably should stop wearing them.  And my breasts are like two giant grapefruits impossible to hide behind a vest.  But, you know what?  I look better than I did a few months ago.  And I'm smiling.

All We Can Do Is Keep Breathing

I took a Nia class tonight.  It was the first one I had been to since July - meaning that the three class card I had bought sometime in June had expired with only two classes used.  So I'm not just not working out, I'm wasting money too.

At the beginning of the routine I was feeling a little tired - exacerbated by the fact that I looked at the clock - but once we got moving more I got into it.  Then, a song came on that lifted my spirits.  I immediately recognized it from the soundtrack from Grey's Anatomy.  It turns out it's from final episode of the third season.  Oh how I miss the drama of the early days of the show.




I have problems remembering to breathe when I'm anxious so this song reminded me of how much easier things can seem when you realize the truth of this simple statement.  All we can do is keep breathing.  Sometimes life can seem overwhelming that it helps to step back and realize that while we may be powerless to change the world around us, we are in control of our own bodies.  So, keep breathing because can.  Keep breathing because you have to.

As I stood in front of the mirror moving to the lyrics, my arms felt lighter.  I was flying.  The teacher complimented me when I got the arm swings correct finally.  I think I like Nia.  This may be just the thing to help me get exercise but also reduce my anxiety.

I hope I can keep up my momentum and advance my progress on my journey to become a better me.  Please follow my journey on this blog.